Kissing

From the time Christina was a very little girl, she would always close her eyes and turn her head away whenever anyone kissed.  Even while watching television, kissing made her very embarrassed.  She was this way up until high school.  It was very entertaining to watch her.

And then she met Nate . . . . When filling out their pre-marital counseling forms, they listed kissing as their most favorite activity. Of course, Pastor John Leach announced this at their wedding.  (Which was INCREDIBLE, btw, despite the rain and the bear. I may talk about it in a later blog.)

So now, a strange thing is happening. Michaela gets embarrassed when she sees people kissing. She will turn away and hide her eyes.  I think it is strange that they both reacted the same way to kissing. None of our other kids did this. Stina and Michaela have so many similarities.  This, of course, terrifies me. There is not a person in this world who gets more joy out of torturing me than Stina does.

Michaela had her first overnighter at Stina’s house last night.  They both had a ball. And to think, I was afraid that the 18 year difference between them would stop them from being close. Is the world really ready for a mini version of Christina? Am I?

Wedding Photos

I am so impressed with the photographer, Jenny Alders Smith, Stina found for her wedding. They took some lovely pics outdoors before the wedding (and before the rain). We haven’t seen all of the photos from the wedding yet but Jenny post some on her blog.  Some are photos from the rehearsal dinner and others are from when the wedding party went downtown before the ceremony.

Check out this link:

http://aldersphotography.blogspot.com/2009/06/christina-nate-denver-colorado-wedding.html

and this one:

http://aldersphotography.blogspot.com/2009/05/christina-nate-denver-colorado.html

And his name is . . .

Michaela (our three-year-old) and I were having a conversation about the upcoming marriage of her oldest sister.  She asked, “When am I  going to get married?”  I told her that God would give her a husband when she was grown up. She asked what his name was.  I told her that I didn’t know.  She thought for a moment and said, “I know his name. It is Gary Budd.”

Columbine

Columbine is in the headlines again. I am amazed how quickly my heart and mind can travel back to the intense pain of that day.  We lived a few minutes away from that school when it happened. Gary had left the youth ministry a year before that but we had remained an active part of Littleton Christian Church, where we had been for many years. In some ways, we have not stopped ministering to some the kids in our youth group.  (Now Dan and Kerry Hoff, who were once in our youth group, are now our pastors.  We still see some of those ‘kids’  on a pretty regular basis.)  Many of the students in our youth group attended Columbine.  Many were inside the school that day.

Their stories haunt me. Sean was hiding in a pantry inside the kitchen. He could hear the killers shooting guns at the unexploded bombs in an unsuccessful attempt to set them off. Luke was one of the first to leave the cafeteria. He made it to one of his friend’s house and called his home. His mother was at the grocery store when it happened. She found out about the shootings by hearing his voice on the answering machine telling her that he was still alive. Another friend of mine, Cathy, had a much harder time than Luke’s mom. Her son Tim was on the last bus of kids to leave the school. She had to wait for hours, watching bus load after bus load of kids arrive at Leawood Elementry before she found out that her son was still alive. But he still alive – that’s what she will always remember. Debbie was sick that day. She remembers flirting with one of the killers months before that day. He would always smile at her in the halls. Afterward, she would question his thoughts. When he smiled at her was he thinking, “I’m going to kill you someday,” or “I like you, we should go out.”? She will never know the answer to that question. And there were many more that day. Each with their own story. Each with their own pain.

I was acquainted with the parents of one of the killers. When he was in grade school, they appeared to be very attentive parents. They were very active in his life and in his school. They both worked and I am sure their careers were important to them but I don’t have a doubt in my mind that he was more important. They are not bad people. I saw no signs of them being a dysfunctional family. And I was in an unique position where I likely would have seen some evidence of that. But there wasn’t any. Maybe that was one of things that really frightened me.

I cried uncontrollably every day for months. I would look suspiciously at teenage boys in stores and wonder if they would suddenly “go off.” Sometimes I would go to Clement Park and sit and pray and wonder. And gradually, I began to cry less. And I watched all of the kids in our youth group move on. I can now drive on Bowles, passing Pierce, and not even think of that day. I avoided that intersection for quite some time.

And I wish I could talk about some grand lesson that we all learned. Many have tried to do that. We have learned things. Law enforcement has learned how to deal much more effectively with these kind of situations. The leadership team of our very small school, Crossroads Christian Academy, has included a shooter plan in our safety strategy. We have learned to find hope, comfort and peace in places where they don’t grow naturally. And we have also learned that even ten years later, it can still hurt.

Joy in pain

Today in church Pastor John Leach talked about pain. He reminded us of all that pain does – it brings us closer to God, it humbles us and it puts us in a better place to help others that we may have not been able to help if we had not gone through what was put in front of us.

And then he showed a video of Nick Vujicic. Nick, a man born without arms and legs (whose story is found here) is an amazing example of all that God can do in you when you give yourself to Him.

My obstacles are different from Nick’s, but God is teaching me everyday how to live my life with joy through these obstacles. Lately, God has been renewing my mind, my heart and my strength. Yeah God! Maybe my winter is finally coming to an end. (?) I sure hope so.

Balance

I have balance issues.  There have been many times lately that Stina has come home very late at night.  She finds everyone in our house in bed asleep except for me. What am I doing? Working. Working. Working. Working. Give me a task and I am all about getting it done as quickly and efficiently as I can.  I make insane ‘to do” lists for myself. (I have an excel spreadsheet addiction in addition to the rest of my issues.) Each time my precious daughter catches me working late at night, she sits me down and lectures me. There is truly nothing worse than being lectured by your children when they are right.

But, she is doing more than lecturing me. Now, she is stinking holding me accountable. If she catches me up past 11:00 tonight, I have agreed to come under severe punishment from her. She is also concerned that I don’t drink enough water. If I fail to drink the agreed upon amount of water today, I have to go jogging with her on Wednesday. (FYI – It is now 1:00 in the afternoon and I have drank two times the agreed upon amount of water because I do NOT want to jog.)

I don’t understand why I just can’t let my tasks go. Why is this such a struggle for me? I love people. I love spending time with people, investing in people’s lives and playing with people. But all of these tasks really get in the way of all that. The world won’t end if I don’t do these things; I know that. Stina tells me that all the time. Why is this such a huge struggle for me? I can’t figure it out and I have really thought about it. It is not because I get my self worth from what I do. I do feel that the largest part of what I do is meaningful. I am very purpose driven. I just need to take control of it instead of it taking control of me.

Another Teenager!

Today, our family has just what every family needs . . . another teenager. Sarah turns thirteen today. Sarah is such an incredible person. I am so grateful for her.  I have had the privilege of watching God play an active role in her life. She has such a big, soft heart and she uses it to show love to so many people. She is always helping me with the little ones. I am so grateful that I can always depend on her.

She is a constant source of blessing to me, our family and her friends. I am very excited to watch and be part of all the things that God has in store for her.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SARAH!

JFC Castle Rock

I went to a campus church today. What’s a campus church? Our church, Jubilee Fellowship Church, has been doing some serious growing.  In fact, I think it even grows faster than my children do – which seems like an impossibility. So instead of building a bigger building, we start new campuses. Each campus has a pastoral staff, worship team and its own community. A DVD of the sermon that was preached at the main campus on Saturday night is played at each of the campuses. I really, really enjoyed the family fellowship atmosphere that this campus had to offer. I also really, really love the main campus to which we have been going. No matter how I look at it, I know that JFC has been a place where the life of God flows into our family. I am always filled, always challenged, always loved.

Today, Pastor DJ Smith, preached about what it means to be a worshiper. He taught that the value of what we worship is revealed by what we are willing to sacrifice for it. He gave the example of when Abraham was willing to offer his son as a sacrifice.  In fact, Abraham uses the words sacrifice and worship interchangeably. This reminded me of Romans 12:1, which says, “Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship.” It made me stop and examine my life, asking the question, “Do I live a life of worship?”

But my favorite part of the sermon was when Pastor DJ contrasted two amazing facts. First he showed a photo taken by the Hubble Telescope (I know one of the guys who designed it, by the way) of the Whirpool Galaxy. I think he said that it was 31 million light years away.  The image in the center of this is clear.

Then he gave told us about laminin. Laminin is the substance in our cells that holds it all together. Without it, the cells that make our organs would not stay together. The image here is equally as clear.

God is present in the most distant, enormous far away place that we can fathom.  He is also present in the smallest parts of our lives. He holds it all together.

And, yes, he robbed the cradle

I want to say Happy Birthday to my wonderful husband Gary.  He turned 48 years old today.

Here are the top 48 reasons why I am the most blessed wife in the world:

1. He opens his heart to people.

2. He loves to tease me – and I love being teased.

3. He is an incredible spiritual leader for both me and our children.

4. He loves God with all his heart.

5. He is very, very active.

6. He helps to make me a better person.

7. He is even more attractive now than the day we were married.

8. He has awesome eyes.

9. He is a great softball player.

10. He is a man of his word.

11. He is faithful.

12. He has integrity even when no one is looking.

13. He works hard – all the time.

14. He plays hard.

15. He brings me flowers on a regular basis.

16. He appreciates what I do for him.

17. He pours himself into his children.

18. Even when he can’t completely understand his teenage daughters, he still tries to understand them.

19. He left at 6:15am to take Daniel to his hockey game yesterday while I slept.

20. He plays all kinds of sports with our children.

21. He loves to take Michaela with him wherever he is going, whenever he can.

22. He loves God’s word.

23. He loves to worship.

24. He is inviting and outgoing.

25. Even though he is very competitive, he is a good sport.

26. He encourages people.

27. He stays “plugged in” with his guy friends.

28. He has an incredible grandmother.

29. His family has always welcomed and loved me.

30. He encourages me.

31. He is interesting.

32. We never run out of things to talk about.

33. He is an entrepreneur.

34. He is not afraid to take risks – but he is wise in the risks he takes.

35. He is very interested in Christina’s wedding plans.

36. He pays very close attention to the things that are going on in our children’s lives.

37. He is supportive of my dreams.

38. He knows what my dreams are.

39. He is lots and lots of fun.

40. He does the dishes every day.

41. He lives by grace not by law.

42. I can always count on him to do the right thing.

43. He is full of ideas.

44. When I am weak, he is strong.

45. He is playful.

46. He is joyful.

47. He is forgiving.

48. Making a list like this is easy for me because he is a great guy.

Proposal Anniversary

Twenty-five years ago today Gary asked me to marry him. I said yes. I can’t imagine my life without him. It hasn’t always been easy but it has always been worth it. He is an incredible man and I am so blessed that he is mine.