Balance

teeter-totter1 I have balance issues.  There have been many times lately that Stina has come home very late at night.  She finds everyone in our house in bed asleep except for me. What am I doing? Working. Working. Working. Working. Give me a task and I am all about getting it done as quickly and efficiently as I can.  I make insane ‘to do” lists for myself. (I have an excel spreadsheet addiction in addition to the rest of my issues.) Each time my precious daughter catches me working late at night, she sits me down and lectures me. There is truly nothing worse than being lectured by your children when they are right.

But, she is doing more than lecturing me. Now, she is stinking holding me accountable. If she catches me up past 11:00 tonight, I have agreed to come under severe punishment from her. She is also concerned that I don’t drink enough water. If I fail to drink the agreed upon amount of water today, I have to go jogging with her on Wednesday. (FYI – It is now 1:00 in the afternoon and I have drank two times the agreed upon amount of water because I do NOT want to jog.)

I don’t understand why I just can’t let my tasks go. Why is this such a struggle for me? I love people. I love spending time with people, investing in people’s lives and playing with people. But all of these tasks really get in the way of all that. The world won’t end if I don’t do these things; I know that. Stina tells me that all the time. Why is this such a huge struggle for me? I can’t figure it out and I have really thought about it. It is not because I get my self worth from what I do. I do feel that the largest part of what I do is meaningful. I am very purpose driven. I just need to take control of it instead of it taking control of me.

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2 Responses to “Balance”

  1. Looks to me like you have control issues. You want everything to be/go your way so you micromanage everything you can to make that happen. By the way, you have had control issues even when you were very little.

    Do you feel like your life is spinning out of your control? If you can take the attitude that only God is the doer and he is using you as his instrument – it will be easier to surrender to the impulse to make detailed lists to have stuff go ‘right’ – realizing that all is right in God’s world. Just a thought.

    love you more.
    Mom

  2. Christina Says:

    I’m not so sure that I agree with the whole control issue. I think it is more that you are a responsible adult that just happens to be efficient in everything you do so people decide to throw everything they can at you. Since you love people you automatically want to help everyone so you do it. Your servant heart is a precious quality about you that I hope you never lose. However, this rarely gives room for taking care of yourself and that is where the balance needs to come…Gma, you have reproduced an amazing woman!! Love you mom.

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